There’s a delicate balance in avoiding pride and arrogance while striving to develop a healthy self-confidence. Writing my own story Falling Over Reno: The True Story of the Skyjacker’s wife, was very liberating for me in this regard. By empowering myself to finally “speak my truth” of all that happened and how it affected my life, I did feel more at peace and got a new level of self confidence. Are you the type of person who has spent a lifetime of bending over backwards trying to make others happy? How’s that working out for you? After many years of such a self-sacrificing attitude, I found that this approach to life wasn’t working for me very well at all.
In October, 1988, I began coming down with a rare and severe auto-immune disease known as Polymyositis, the “inflammation of many muscles.” This was supposedly incurable. I was supposed to have to stay on horrid medicines, with all of their bad side effects, for the rest of my life. My Spirit knew that just wasn’t so. I also knew that this had to be based on some dysfunctional emotions within myself. This “year from hell,” though, gave me the opportunity to do some very important work on myself. There were internal belief patterns that needed to be healed, modified, or released.
The work of author Caroline Myss was of great help to me at that time. I got three sets of audiotapes, and listened to them over and over again (listening to tapes or watching TV was about all I could do back then, as my body was in a state of debilitation like I had never gone through before, or since). These taped lectures, which I’m sure must be on CDs now, were The Three Levels of Power and How to Use Them; Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can, and my favorite: Spiritual Madness. These discourses were all about healing, on every level. I am so grateful to this brilliant and visionary woman for all she’s shared in her writing and audio taped work.
In her Spiritual Madness tape, she had a story of a war veteran who was a Native American and the trauma he brought home with him, after the abuses he suffered in a prison camp. The wisdom of the Elders of his tribe and what they put him through to reconnect with his own Spirit, were amazing. For they knew that it is only in reconnecting with, and staying connected with, our own Spirit, that we can truly heal.
I certainly can resonate with that, after all I went through with that bad illness that was afflicting my physical vehicle. When my friends sent a certain spiritual/energy healer from Australia my way in May of 1999, it was such a blessing. From the first experience on his massage table, I sat up feeling that layers of weight had been lifted off of me! He is a medical intuitive so could see inside my body to the areas that were in disrepair. Basically my own enzymes had been eating my muscles away. Wow, it was so awful to go through. But Doug Peacock, the healer, told me that the reason I got well again so quickly (after three sessions with him), as the new blood tests proved, is that “you were so ready to be healed.” That is, all of this “spiritual homework” I had done on myself, including visualizing myself being able to do yoga asanas on the floor again and move easily, etc., is something that had made a big difference.
We all do need to participate in our own healing, whether it is from a physical illness, from loss, or from emotional or psychological trauma. Believing in yourself, having that healthy self-confidence I referred to, is part of the picture. Your consciousness, when fully developed and expanded to be the person you came here to be, is a true gift to others. Please do not keep your light under a barrel, as then no one can see it! Not to mention that doing so contributes to poor health. I’m always grateful for my excellent health, ever since I had that restored. So I am a “walking miracle” and I will always be aware of that. My gratitude overflows.